Something to Sleep on..

I stayed up much, much too late last night-on a work night. I typically get about six and a half hours of sleep each night and I do alright with that, but last night I probably got about four and a half. I can usually tell a big difference when I get half an hour less each night, so getting two hours less is making a huge impact on my day. I've been trying to read the manual for my database (I'm on page 233 out of 876) and my eyes just sloooooooooowly keep closing. Gravity is too much for them at this point.

I have too much to do tonight to go home and take a nap!

My neighbor, who is NOT moving in with my friend, just got home after being gone a week and I'm sure she will have lots to talk about. My son and I are going to the gym-we haven't been able to go since last Thursday. I need to do laundry. I have to figure out my volunteer schedule for the next few months. I have to get to bed early-I could probably go to bed at seven and sleep all through the night.

I wish we could rollover sleeping time, like some phone companies do with minutes (not mine-You're a jerk Verizon!!); so that if you slept ten hours one night, but only five the next, it would all even out to a perfect seven hours a night! Or Sunday morning, which is the only morning I ever really sleep in, I can sleep a good twelve hours and then be fine with only three hours sleep on Monday. Imagine all the stuff I could get done in life if I only had to sleep three hours a night!!

My house would be cleaner. I could learn another language faster. I could read a ton more blogs each day! I could get through my database manual without having to reread the same paragraph twice (stupid gravity!!). I could READ-which I STILL have not done!! (I don't even have a book at home to read-and that rarely ever happens. It's sad.) I could organize my music collection-out of 6000 songs on my computer, I would guess that 100 of them are duplicates that are misnamed or incomplete songs. I could take up knitting and make blankets for orphaned babies in some third world country. I could write the novel I've been wanting to write since I was in sixth grade. I could write hand-written letters to the people that mean the most to me and live far away from me. I could start some home business and be very successful in just three short weeks with no money down! I could play computer games. I could learn to cook. ENDLESS possibilities...I just hate the idea that I'm sleeping my life away.

I don't want to be tired anymore!!

Song of the Day

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

Book Lover?

What is wrong with me? It has been almost two full weeks since I've read a book! I can't believe it...I can't remember the last time that's happened.
Maybe I'm ill?
Maybe I'm going through a major crisis in life (but shouldn't I know about it??)?
Maybe I am not managing my time well enough?
What do I do every night? Why am I not reading???

I read part of my new Psychology Today magazine this weekend, but just some random short articles, nothing that is real "reading."

It's not that there isn't a plethora of books out there that I want to read. Here's a few:

My book list is HUGE. I just don't have time for all the books I want to read-and more keep coming out each month! It's a bit overwhelming.

I used to have a 15-20 minute bus ride to work every day, each way, and would read the entire time. I also used to read at lunch time, now I read other blogs or type my own. I don't really feel like I have time to read at home, as there is too much work to do around the house and I recently started feeling guilty about taking an hour to read when I could have done something more productive, like organize my closet or clean underneath my bed, or any of the other fifty things I should get done at any given time.

Sometimes my son and I will each have a good book and we'll just hang out on my bed or the couch and get a nice warm blanket and settle down for a couple hours to read. It used to happen much more frequently, but now he's getting too old to really appreciate those times. He did read for the entire three hour trip home from grandma's house on Sunday though! I don't know what I would do if my child wasn't a reader...are we born that way or are we molded that way? I like to think that I helped create a reader by my behavior/actions. When he was little, it was the best treat in the world to get to go to the bookstore and buy a new book. He thought books were like gold. My sisters children would color in them or rip out the pages, but my son would hold them carefully, turn the pages slowly, and kept them away from all fluids of any kind. I loved that then, I love it now.

Books are knowledge, books are power-everyone should read!

Happy Holidays!!

"Christmas" 2006 is almost over!
We celebrated with my family on Saturday. Unfortunately I have a bit of a cold and the three-hour drive was exhausting and I took a two hour nap soon after getting to the parents house. The kids were going to make cookies while I slept, but I woke up to the sounds of them playing a computer game, not the smell of baking. They were happy that I woke up--so I could do the typing in the game (I AM the fastest typer in all of the wild west). I felt a little better when I first woke up and I felt much better when they finally turned the television off-which is a Xmas miracle in itself. The tv at my parents house is typically on at high volumes about 16 hours of the day. It normally gives me a headache, but already being sick, I was not looking forward to being there. It was a wonderful bonus that we got to open presents this year with the tv off. Maybe next year I can even convince them to turn on some holiday music! Baby steps...

I hate the materialistic aspect of this holiday, though I really do love giving gifts-I just don't like to feel like I'm forced to buy them. I was happy with almost everything I gave this year-except my dad's of course. He is impossible to buy for. I don't know that I really "know" him that well, not well enough to buy him a gift he will truly like. My niece is easy-she makes a wish list every year that almost could be a "wish booklet." She has no trouble thinking of things she wants. My wish list was fairly compact-I listed things that were not too expensive, as my mom always makes a point of saying she's on a budget this year (every year). I got the blender I wanted, the scrapbook paper, the bedsheets, the puzzles. The kid got the tv he wanted and has barely left his room since we discovered there is actually cable in his room. We will have to set some rules down about that-though it was pretty peaceful last night having nearly the entire house to myself. I think having a television in your room takes you away from time you would spend with your family and I have always been against it (I bought him it so he could play video games in his room, not the living room). We'll see how long the cable lasts in there...I have a feeling it won't be very long.

We still have a dinner to go to tonight with our cousins. It's always fun at their house and they adore the kid (which is refreshing to have someone else love him almost as much as I do).

I'm feeling a bit better-I've slept a lot in the last two days and had more juice than I normally care to have. I'm off for a nice warm shower and then have one last present to wrap before we can leave.

(pics posted later-the blogger isn't working)

Here we go again...

Yet another interview!! I've had a lot of practice recently at least-I don't get nervous at all anymore. I might actually be too comfortable with it at this point! It's not even a big deal really..just another chance to talk about how great and wonderful I am. I could do that every day.

I am wonderful. Truly amazing. Hire me.

Funny Pics From my Computer

(from my computer meaning that I have come across them at some point and saved them for some reason-I have no idea where they come from)

Fun times.

His teeth really creep me out!

I'm sure they are invisible people--cause I am F-U-N-N-Y. (just ask me!)


Trick or Treat.

Do you think he got to keep an animal?

Matchmaker Kaylen

I think I've made a match!!
A local friend of mine, who I chat with nearly all day at work, has talked about how he doesn't like to be home all night in an empty house, and it's hard to cook for one person, and he gets fairly hermit-like.

My neighbor, whose husband just left her, after giving 30 days notice at their apartment complex, has no where to go. She's never lived alone and can't stand being in an empty apartment at night. She asked her sister-in-law to stay with her, but they both have been in my apartment most of the last week.

We went out on Friday night (Pac-Man, Pinball and PBR event) and met my friend there. Everyone got along wonderfully and the next day I mentioned to her that, hey---my friend has an empty room! Maybe he'll rent it to you!!

I think it's a good match, though they'll have to figure out the exact terms and such, along with the fact that one has a puppy, the other has an adult cat. They got along well and they both need company. And it's not like it's a long-term commitment...she has no idea whether she's going to stay in this area and if her marriage is going to work out (or if she should try anymore). I'm excited about it because she's my new friend and I want her to stay close by. She's jumped right into our lives and is like part of the family. That doesn't happen that often, I'd hate to lose it just after it started!

I most definitely have a cold. My throat is very raspy-I kind of like the sound of it! Not too many other symptoms beyond the cough though so it's not so bad.

It's super-cold out today, but I wore a short sleeved polo today, knowing that the officemate who is in charge of the heater only knows two settings: ON and OFF. And by ON, I mean-the highest temperature possible. This morning when I got to the office, I unwrapped my scarf, took off my gloves, hung up my coat, and then proceeded to start sweating. And that's been the entire workday-and in just a short bit, I'll be bundling back up for the cold winter weather outside, where I will promptly forget what it feels like to be warm.

Single Moms

I missed my student loan payment, that's a first in a LONG time.

Status: In Repayment, Delinquent

We see your account is past due. We are here to help you choose your road to recovery.

Click on your path. It's your choice!

* Make a payment today, even schedule one for the future

* Payments too high

* In school / unemployed

* Financial hardship

* Temporarily suspend payments


I have been feeling like I'm living beyond my means for the last month, maybe two. Things have changed a lot in the last six months, I think things have just spiraled out of hand.
*I got a car loan
*My new vehicle is using much more gas
*Of course my insurance is higher too (which I just realized is ALSO delinquent!!)
*I'm driving to work now instead of taking the bus -it makes a HUGE amount of difference in the time I am away from the kid, which I felt was worth the extra cost of driving.
*I got gym memberships for the kid and I. It was necessary for our health-we needed a push to be healthy.
*I increased my cell phone plan, it's now 40% more a month. I was on a VERY limited plan (500 minutes between two of us?? How could that ever work??). We don't have a home phone so increasing the minutes was necessary so as to not go over again (which proved to be really pricy!).

I have a few married women I talk to, one of whom is my sister, who say that they feel like they are single moms. This puzzles me. Don't they understand who they are talking to? I've tried to explain it to them that, yes, they may be doing 85% of the work around the house and 85% of the parenting, however there's a HUGE aspect they have: a PARTNER. If something were to happen, for example, the car breaks down, they have someone to fix it or get it fixed for them. The house floods? They will not be the only one cleaning up the mess. One of the kids gets sick? Yeah, I'm sure the spouse will be there. The kids are in trouble, you have someone to help straighten them out. Have to stay late at work or can't make it home to get the kid to practice, just make a call. Oh---and here's the biggest difference I INCOME from their spouse.
One of my friends told me that her husbands paycheck didn't help anyway, they are still poor. I am a bit insulted. They are still poor?? She has no idea what it's like to be a poor single mother.

Being a single mother means more than being poor. You're poor but without support. You don't have someone to help you juggle the daily strain of being poor. You don't have someone to help get resources. You don't have someone to talk to about how poor you are and how it can be changed. You don't HAVE someone.

So for the married wives---please keep in mind that you have it good. Married wives who don't have to work, ugh....enjoy it!! Your life is G-O-O-D.

Don't get me wrong---I don't really want to be married. I LOVE being single. I do, however, miss having a partner at key moments. My sons school events, for instance. I end up sitting next to one of the couples I have met through school and sports, but it is not always comfortable doing so. I missed having a partner this morning when I realized my loans, my cell phone bill AND my car insurance were delinquent. I missed having a partner last week when my son really needed to get to school early and I couldn't do so because I had taken time off work earlier in the week when he was sick at home all day. I missed having a partner when my wrists hurt really bad last night and I needed someone to massage them. I missed having a partner when my son needed help with homework and I couldn't figure it out.

I don't usually care that much about being a single mom. It does hit me at times like those, but I also think I have it good as a single mom. I never have to worry about what everyone wants for dinner. It's really just up to me. I don't have to deal with a man being smelly and dirty in my space. I don't have to share my closet (which would mean I would need to find a new place for all my volunteer supplies). I don't have a lot of drama that comes with a committed relationship. I don't have to plan social things around him and his friends-I can go out whenever and with whoever. I have the final say in all things with my son; there's never a time when I conflict with another adult about raising him. I can be somewhat selfish in most aspects. I have FREEDOM. I love it.

I am not going to love trying to figure out how to buy holiday gifts with all the bills piling up though. I'm on a good path to get a new job with a higher income and I've been a single mom for over a decade now. I KNOW how to juggle my bills. I KNOW how to manage my income. I've just been a little lazy about it lately...

And still my friend calls me daily to complain about her husband. Her husband who still comes home every day and helps with the kids. He makes breakfast for them. He helps them get ready for school. He is there on the weekend to play with them. He goes grocery shopping when she asks him. He brings home a fat paycheck each week (though they might mismanage the money-they still have it). He helped them set up the Xmas tree. He is THERE. And as such---she is nowhere near living as a single mom.

Portland Aerial Tram

It's almost time!!!!

From the Portland Department of Transportation page:

The Portland Aerial Tram is a 3,300 linear foot aerial tram rising 500 feet over Interstate 5, the Lair Hill neighborhood, and Terwilliger Parkway and connecting OHSU and the Marquam Hill to the South Waterfront District. Construction of the Tram will be completed in winter 2006-07 and will serve as a catalyst for the South Waterfront redevelopment and the continued emergence of OHSU as a top-tier medical research institution. Designed by agps architecture and Doppelmayr-CTEC, the tram will provide approximately a 3 minute ride between the two areas, with views of Mt. Hood and Downtown Portland.

Planners project that in the first five years, the aerial tram will support about 1,500 round trips a day for activities in the OHSU Center for Health & Healing, the university's first building in the South Waterfront. Because the aerial tram is part of the public transportation system and open to the public, planners expect ridership to exceed this estimate. Twenty years from now when the South Waterfront is more mature in its development, about 5,500 OHSU-related round trips are expected each day.

Today is a VERY windy day here though...we're expecting a storm to hit tomorrow---just in time for the opening of the tram! Thirty "lucky" employees will be chosen at random (if you put your name in the drawing) to take the first ride with OHSU President Joe Robertson. It will be open for employees only for the next month, not because they are using employees as guinea pigs (as rumors were going about), but because they haven't completed the docking areas and they are not pretty enough for the public yet. Employees, on the other hand, are apparently used to working around construction zones so it's okay for them.

I'm picturing my birthday party in February to be a Tram-tacular one. Hidden flasks, lots of balloons, music, dancing, etc. on an exciting three minute ride on the tram! It'll be a Party on the Tram theme. Everyone will come dressed like they are in the alps. Or as tourists, with sunburns (in February??), big floppy hats and cameras.

And though I've been affectionately calling the two trams Timmy and Tommy, or Tony and Tigger, or Tchotsky and Tchurgen, or Tobias and Tubby....apparently the city is leaning more towards calling them Lewis and Clark. Something about a theme of "exploring new worlds" or whatever OHSU's new tagline is...I'll keep my petnames though. It'll be a little secret name between me, my blog, and the trams.

Take a Hike

Crazy Chinese!

Those pics made me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry.

Fun with Politics

Barack Obama....I don't know much about him, but I think he seems cool, based on his choice of making this commercial!

Oh-and this:
In Dreams from My Father, Obama writes about smoking marijuana and trying cocaine during his teenage years. Inviting journalists to contrast his earlier admission with Bill Clinton's "didn't inhale" remarks made during the 1992 presidential campaign, Obama recently stated: "I inhaled—that was the point." Obama added: "It was reflective of the struggles and confusion of a teenage boy; teenage boys are frequently confused."

Seems like he is an okay guy...
Reviewing Obama's career in the Illinois State Senate, commentators noted his ability to work effectively with both Democrats and Republicans, and to build coalitions. In his subsequent campaign for the U.S. Senate, Obama won the endorsement of the Illinois Fraternal Order of Police, whose officials cited his "longtime support of gun control measures and his willingness to negotiate compromises", this despite his support for some bills that the police union had opposed.

And note---he's 45!! I thought he was much younger. A presidential candidate maybe?

Holiday Ornaments Project Part 2

Sunday I hosted another volunteer project making holiday ornaments. This time it was for the Multnomah County Children's Receiving Center, a facility providing professional care and support to children up to 18 years of age who have been removed from their homes due to abuse or neglect. The children are cared for in a home-like setting until they can transition to foster or alternate family placement.

I had 27 wonderful volunteers this last Sunday for two hours -a very productive and fun group.

Most of the supplies we used came from SCRAP, a local place that promotes recycling and reusing materials. They gave me a $20 donation, which in SCRAP money is like $100. It's pretty random what you will find there-I spent an hour digging through their supplies to come up with $13 worth, which was enough for both ornaments projects AND I have leftovers for my Love Letters project next week.

SCRAP is an awesome idea. When I was there, this mom and her two young kids came in. He was talking about building a robot. She gave him a little basket and set him free to look for things while she browsed through the fabric section. He was digging through bins of random mish-mash and talking things through about how "this can be an arm" or "this will be good on his shield." After he selected a large amount of supplies, the bill was only about $2.25 - an amazingly small amount of money for the entertainment it will provide him and it fosters his creativity while teaching him about recycling.

One of the volunteers Sunday was a 9-yr old girl from China. She has one leg; her prosthetic leg is decorated with the funkiest, coolest patterns on it -I'm not sure if it was a pattern or if it was hand-done (I think it was something the girl did herself). Her adoptive mom told me that she had been exposed to lead poisoning in China as a baby and is developmentally slow, but that her art skills are exceptional. She wasn't lying.

She created these two ornaments on a recycled tin lid using a marker that she rubbed on her finger and then smeared across the tin and just drew pictures that way. I would never have thought to do that in absence of paint, nor could I ever draw that well using my smeared fingerprints!
My son and I were working on a reindeer ornament and were struggling about halfway through when we saw this girl walk by with a similar project that looked AMAZING, very unlike our own. A very quiet and polite girl, she worked hard for the full two hours. I love it when kids volunteer but I love it even more when they can stay focused on the project for the full amount of time.

This was a fun project, but a lot more work than my normal project. It was worth every bit of it though, as we made at least a hundred ornaments that will go the local children's hospital and the children's receiving center. It was a nice feel-good project for the holidays.

And, not that I'm keeping track (the Hands on Portland website automatically keeps track), but that puts me at about 100 volunteer hours for the year! A nice accomplishment I think.

Goodbye to Pinochet

Pinochet has died. Chile seems fairly conflicted on whether to be happy or sad. Many many many people are happy--he WAS a bad guy. However, many many many people remember the overthrown president, Salvador Allende, as a bad guy (He was the first democratically elected Socialism revolutionary president in the world, aka Communist).

Some facts on the dead man:

Pinochet introduced a new constitution allowing him to remain as president until 1989.

The new constitution also entrenches the military's domination of the government and allows Pinochet to restrict freedom of association and speech and to arrest or exile any citizen, with no rights of appeal except to Pinochet himself.

He ordered many of the purges that saw more than 3,000 supporters of the Allende regime killed, thousands more tortured, and many thousands more again forced into exile.

The military government dissolved Congress, suspended the constitution and opposition parties were outlawed. Shortly after came a night-time curfew and strict limits on the media.

From a UN report: the UN Committee against torture affirmed that military rule from 1973 to 1990 had been characterized by gross human rights violations, such as extra judicial executions; executions following trials without due process; mass arrests of people held in concentration camps in extremely harsh conditions - many of whom ''disappeared''; widespread torture and ill-treatment; and imprisonment for such crimes as challenging the coup or belonging to certain political groups. The report stated that the repressive methods used against political detainees by the previous government had included torture and ill-treatment.

Sounds like a bad guy to me...

**Incidentally, the coup actually happened on September 11th...poor September 11th. Something REALLY good needs to happen on that day.

Song of the Day

None. My headphones died....They stopped working last night at the gym, but I thought it was the gym's crappy headphone system. Guess not! :(
Instead, I've listened to my Asian officemate talking to herself for the last 2 hrs.

I think this guy had a great idea: Verizon Exit Interview. We should all be so honest.

Read This

I FINALLY finished the book I was reading....

It took a LONG time, almost two full weeks. I struggled through this one, it wasn't my favorite in the series. A good book, but not my favorite of the four. Now I just have to wait for the fifth, which should have been out already, but the author is saying might not be done until February. Frustrating...I'll have forgotten a ton of info by then. However, when I do get into the new book, it'll be like a little reunion with me and Arya and Jon and Cersei and Brienne and the direwolves (and where did Bran go??).

I started a new book on Sunday afternoon and finished it yesterday morning. It was really well written. A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon, who won an award for his first novel (last year I think) and his second novel was just as good I think. I like his writing style, it's different but really easy to enjoy.

I have another book from the library to read, can't remember the name right now. I have 16 books on my book list that I want to read...and then the new Dean Koontz came out and the new Michael Crichton's never-ending! I love it. There's just something about a really well-written book.

Nothing Today

The kid is sick.
My right knee and left wrist both ache.
The house is a mess.
My car made a weird noise today.
I'm low on money.
My neighbors husband left her.
My friends grandbaby died.
An editor of CNet was found dead in Oregon.

My online friend and I always tell each other, if you're going to say something negative, you have to follow by something positive. We usually make the counter-point not in any way connected whatsoever so that it's a little more fun and silly. Here's the revised list from above:

The kid is sick, but I am really starting to like the color pink.
My right knee and left wrist both ache, but the weather is nice.
The house is a mess, but I am excited to go work out tonight.
My car made a weird noise today, but I got to read an extra two hours this morning.
I'm low on money, but I found four new songs to download.
My neighbors husband left her, but the new Dean Koontz book was released.
My friends grandbaby died, but I might have a job offer by next week.
An editor of CNet was found dead in Oregon, but tomorrow is a free lunch day at work.

I don't think getting 8 hours of sleep is good for me. I'm more tired now than I am on the nights when I only get 6.

I'm the only one in my office right now (it's late) and I love it. I can't wait until the day when I have my own office again. It's possible that in a few weeks my new office will be a cubicle. I'm excited to decorate it and make it funky-fresh and fun, but I imagine cubicles aren't meant to be a "fun" place. Mine will be though. All the staff will say things like "have you been to Kaylen's cube today? It's rockin!" And I'll have themes, like all green for March. And maybe a disco ball in the corner. We'll see how long the enthusiasm lasts...

Late late late, it's time to go home!

My Wish List

I keep getting harassed for my Christmas list. I'm fairly independent so it's hard for me to tell someone: "this is what I want you to buy me." If I don't make a list though, I get random things that I probably don't use or want so as much as I fully appreciate getting gifts, it's nicer to get one that you actually want.

So here's my Wish List: (in no specific order of importance)

1) World Peace
2) A coffee table
3) A new couch
4) A house (just a small ranch house with a basement and 2 or 3 bdrms)
5) A new president
6) A button-down, long-sleeve dress shirt from Lands End
7) Shoes shoes shoes!
8) A necklace, something simple, something that sparkles with diamonds or rubies or something similar
9) A cure for leukemia
10) Adobe Photoshop (since my not-so-legal version won't work!)
11) My car loan paid off (really, it's less than $4500!)
12) No more fighting in Darfur (a smaller request than World Peace)
13) The end of the KKK and the Aryan Nation (they are so ridiculous -like a high school club of unpopular kids gone bad)
14) A new Palm Pilot or maybe a new MP3 player, I can't decide...
15) Cooking skills (not lessons, I want the skills needed to cook)
16) A laptop (not Dell, they suck)
17) The collapse of Wal-Mart, or better management for it
18) To wake up and be 5 sizes smaller
19) My phone bill paid
20) A new rug for my living room
21) 24 movie passes (so I can go to a movie with my son every month)
22) Kitchen table, square-I don't like my round one
23) A really nice flatware set, for at least 8
24) Contact lenses so I can shed these glasses and be FREE
25) The super power of invisibility
26) A KitchenAid Mixer
27) My ex-husband to not be a dead-beat dad
28) A new comforter for my bed...something soft and beautiful and plush in an olive green like color.
29) Will Smith's phone number
30) A trip around the world

Whew! That wasn't as hard as I thought!!
Wish List complete, back to work.

Army of Fuzzies

The army I made on Sunday...spreading cheer everywhere they go.

Manic Monday

I hate Mondays.
My inbox is always full. I usually have personal things to take care of (like my blog for instance!) and little time to do them.

The blogger editor thing-a-ma-bob isn't normal and now I'm stuck with no fancy blockquoting capabilities or italics or anything! Plain and boring, but I DO know how to change colors.

South Africa's "most wanted" criminal was captured. I find it hard to imagine jails in South Africa..I have a hard time conceptualizing a "normal" thing in our society into a worldwide one, especially as it applies to a nation where 21.5% of the adult South African population have been estimated to be HIV positive (in 2003). Who has time to worry about jail?? One fifth of the population has HIV?? That's a LOT.
ANYWAY--back to "the ultimate criminal," as they are calling him (his family must be so proud!). This is the amazing part of the story:
He reportedly escaped by covering his body in Vaseline and squeezing through his tiny cell window which measured just 20cm by 60cm (8in by 2ft).
That's creepy. I don't think my head could fit through that amount of space, much less any other piece of me! Um, and why did he have vasoline in his jail cell??

I can't believe Christmas is in 21 days. I can't do any more shopping until the 15th. I keep waiting for my magic money fairy to leave money under my pillow (or in my mailbox, or under my windshield wiper, or on my doorstop, etc), but she hasn't shown up yet!

I need to learn to cook more things. I feel fairly limited in that I (almost) only eat chicken, and I'm tired of pasta. We ate out about 4 times last week. I didn't cook the entire weekend. It's out of control.

I did manage to get up early on Sunday and stand in line outside Circuit City for 30 minutes and help my son get a Nintendo Wii. That was fun. They handed out 40 tickets. We watched the Circuit City monkey give out the 40th ticket to the guy directly in front of us.... Not cool monkey-boy! We wandered around the parking lot a bit as the lines dispersed and one of the women from the front of the line offered to sell us her ticket -for a deal of only $60! Not cool front-line-lady! BUT---as we were walking to the car, a lady who was a bit ahead of us in line drove back around and offered us one of hers, saying that both her sons got tickets but decided they both didn't need the system. YAY!!! My son said it happened because I have good karma for all the good things I do for other people.

I had a great volunteer project yesterday too - more on that tomorrow when I get my pictures uploaded and figure out how to add them using HTML coding.

Dolphin for Lunch!!

Is there anything better than trying a new dish and really liking it?

I went to this nice restaurant today near my work and had a Macadamia Nut Covered Mahi Mahi. I am always reluctant to try new foods at restaurants in case I don't care for it then I feel obligated to eat it-especially so when someone else is buying, such as today. However, this was the yummiest non-chicken dish I have had in a long time.

Okay, okay, I DO eat chicken at about 90% of my meals so the mahi mahi really only had to beat out the other ten percent of all meals I eat, which would be some boring potato product or pasta....but wow-VERY good meal today!!

I didn't know anything about the mahi mahi until I got back to the office. These are the facts:

Mahi-mahi is a Hawaiian word that means "strong-strong" for dolphin fish (though some websites are saying that it means "dolphin")....wait...did I just eat a DOLPHIN???
Mahi-mahi have a lifespan of no more than three to four years.
Sport catches average 7 to 13 kg (15 to 25 pounds). Over 18kg is exceptional.
Their flesh is very low fat (less than 1%), with a firm moist texture and mild, almost sweet flavor.
They are distinguished by dazzling colors: golden on the sides, bright blues and greens on the sides and back. When they are removed from the water, the fish often change between several colors, finally fading to a muted yellow-grey upon death.

VERY good dish...but a dolphin? Really...a dolphin???
(Regardless-I'd eat it again!)

My job interview this morning went really well. It sounds like a good place to work. I should know by Monday what's going on. It would be in the same building as my friends, which would be nice, as I don't feel I have many "friends" in this one. When I stopped by the floor where the people I know work, I was flooded with this instant feeling of being "welcome" there. I was like Norm walking into Cheers....everyone was saying my name, everyone was happy to see me, it was nice.

I got stuck playing this stupid game the other day. It's like a fast version of Monopoly, which I would enjoy if it didn't take four days to play (and if my son didn't beat me all the time). This is a much better way to play...though I realize that it's an absolute waste of time. The kid loved it too, though I think he felt the same way when he walked away: "did I just lose an hour of my life playing that game?"

The Lost Boys

This worries me....
Bill's Story

It's the story about a kid in Olympia who stood up for his sexuality when he was a young teenager. Ultimately it was too much for him and he killed himself.

After Bill's death I found in one of his notebooks where he had drawn the gay symbol, a pink triangle. Across it he had written, "This is not my choice. This is not forced upon me. This just is."

I know a few teenagers who are gay. I think they live the greatest challenge ever (and by greatest I don't mean a positive thing).

Teens go through so much turmoil just BEING teens. They struggle hourly with trying to "fit in" and find their place in the world around them. They think that life is hard and that everyone else has it better than them. They believe that nothing is fair and that they are being treated unfairly a majority of the time.

Now add to that turmoil the message that they get non-stop from our society that they are supposed to find a "nice girl/boy" to settle down with...when they don't have any urge to be with a member of the opposite sex and actually feel much more strongly towards someone of the same gender.

And an even worse case---your family speaks out openly, maybe frequently, in anti-gay fashion.

Bill's Story scares me because this is a boy who actually HAD support and love from his family and was told from the start that they accept him. They did what parents SHOULD do--they accepted and loved him for who he is, not who they want him to be. They were amazing and wonderful, but they couldn't help him fight the society he lived in.

Our society killed Bill. Our homophobic, racist, sexist, close-minded society killed him. He was just a kid, he was smart and loving and sweet, but that wasn't good enough for our country. If he would have just kept his mouth quiet and found a nice girl to be his mate-he would be alive. He would be miserable and living a lie and unhappy his whole life....but alive. It's sad to think about it that way, but I think his parents should be proud that he lived every bit of his much-too-short life being true to himself.

Bill was only seventeen when he died. He lived a life that was real. He made his family happy and proud. He was bisexual, but that should not have mattered to ANYONE except him and his partners. It's pathetic that a majority of our population is killing so many people with their hatred of people who are different.

Random Thoughts

I wish I was here -------->

It's cold in my office. I've been wearing my coat (a ski coat mind you) all morning. The heater is across the room from me and probably on a very low setting, as my office mates seem to not notice the cold, despite their lack of body fat (aka natural insulation).

I have a phone interview later today and a job interview on Thursday morning. That will be interview number....five (I think) in the last 30 days. Talk about frustrating. And do I really want to give up a job where I am paid well and work a very minimal amount? I brought a movie to watch today (what other job in my entire life will allow me to do that!). I'll make the video half-screen and my database half-screen and do some data entry while watching. I wear headphones every day anyway so no one would think it odd.

I wear headphones in the morning to listen to the local talk radio show. In the afternoon I listen to music, but I usually wear them more to drown out the noise of people around me. I do like my office mates...but I think I would appreciate the aloneness of my own office more.

A woman who works upstairs adopted a baby from China early this year. We talk about once a month or so, mostly about kids and parenting. Today she told me that the orphanage where she adopted her baby named ALL the babies "Xiao," which apparently means "smiling" or something like that. The group of parents-to-be all wore smiley stickers to visit the orphanage when they found out. An entire orphanage with only one name for all the kids? That seems odd.

I'm STILL reading the same book. I think it's been about two weeks now. It's only 700 pages...hmmmm...what have I been doing that has been taking my time away from my book? Something VERY important I'm sure.

My bank account is must be getting close to payday (or lets hope so anyway!).

I finished all my Xmas shopping for my mom this morning (while working of course). I have to buy for my sister, my brother-in-law, one nephew, my son and a couple cousins. Only 26 days until Christmas.

The exchange rate for Korean won is down. I was there at a good time. It's now about 931 Won to the dollar. It was about 1200 Won when we lived there.

Today is wrap day at the cafeteria next to my building, which makes Tuesday my favorite day of the week. I could eat the Thai wrap every day and never ever EVER get sick of it. Ever.

Song of the day

Speaking of ex-boyfriends, this is a great break-up song!

Nothing Better by the Postal Service (sing along)
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

Trust Issues

I heard from an ex today. I had him blocked on all my messenger programs but Gmail sometimes randomly logs me in to their chat program when my mail is open. Today was one of those days.

I'm not sure how interested I am in talking to him. We were together for a good eight months or so, though we always knew we weren't a good match. It was just a fun time that should not have gotten serious. I tried to end it a couple of times for a couple of reasons, unsuccessfully because I really enjoyed his company and he was willing to compromise on some things in order to make me happy. He had only ever had one girlfriend, and it was more of a friends with benefits type. His philosophy with me was: "anything to make Kaylen happy." And as much as I love that philosophy, it's not really healthy to be in a relationship with someone who subscribes to it. He would do things to make me happy in the short-term without thinking about the long-term.

We broke up because the girl he had a crush on the year before was moving to the city...and he invited her to move in with him. AND he offered to help her move across country. AND he told me that he wouldn't make her sleep on the couch if she couldn't move her bed (which coincidentally, she couldn't!).

So.....just after my birthday we broke up. We tried to stay friends, but I was pretty bitter about the way things happened. I didn't know they talked often, I didn't know she was really going to move out here, I didn't know he still had a crush on her, I didn't realize that he was willing to be with other women so easily.

It's hard to be friends with someone who hurts you. I care about him in a way, but in another way, I can't really be part of his life.

My very best friend is someone I once dated. We just didn't work out-I have no idea how long we dated, maybe a few weeks? Maybe a few months? We broke up and then went about 6 months without talking. Now we talk almost every day and there's nothing I wouldn't share with him. So it IS possible to be friends with someone you once dated...I think it matters how they treated each other in the end.

I suppose it's necessary to have a "cooling-off" period of types with someone when you first end things. It's been about nine months since I've seen this most recent ex, about 4 months since we've talked. I sometimes think about him, but I still don't have the urge to be his friend. He told me that I was the best friend he's ever had his whole life. I tried to be his friend after the break-up because I felt he needed me, and then I realized that he wasn't a friend to me by starting a relationship with another girl before we were broken up. So how do I trust in anything he said to me? Friends have to be able to trust each other somewhat. I'd love to be able to go back and have fun conversations with him online and share random internet stuff or talk about nothing at all and make each other laugh out loud, but I feel like I should reserve my energy and time to people who make a positive difference in my life, the people I think of as my "friends."

Trusting people is hard. I do it too much, and too freely. People should have to earn my trust, but I'm always giving them the benefit of the doubt. I try to believe that people are sincere and honest but it seems like more often than not, I am let down.

The Day After...

The kid and I had Thanksgiving dinner at his cousins house yesterday. Here's an overview:

Married Cousins: we are very close to them. I was almost homeless at one point, with my child, (thank you psycho ex-fiancee) and these cousins (of my ex-husband, not even my own!) offered to take us in and help me get on my feet, before my own family even thought to offer assistance. They are an amazing couple.

Father of male cousin: an eccentric man who we've met a few times before. He told me a 20-minute story of how he has this sound-zapper-thing he ordered from a tv show that can send a shock wave to any animal within so many feet of you...made for joggers who are chased by dogs maybe, but something he uses for his neighbor's dog, a random cat who used to come by and sleep on his deck, and apparently any animal that is bothering him. He was sporting a new gadget on his waist-a combo led light/black light/TASER(!!!). He also told me a 20-minute story about how best to use the taser without getting caught using it (apparently shocking someones' feet is best).

A Brit: A coworker of male cousin, we've met him a few times before as well. He's an interesting character, tells off-color jokes (as the British tend to do), and drinks a bit much, leading to more off-color jokes that never die. He might be a bit sexist, but I slightly enjoy his company anyway.

Me: I'm wonderful.

The kid: He was in grand form. An angel really.

Best part of the evening: Father and Brit were talking at one end of the table. Father was telling some embarrassing story about the male cousin, quite loudly. Kid and I were joking around about something and facing each other. Female cousin turns to male cousin and says: "we should start screwing" at the exact moment that my son and I turned to them to say something.

One Thanksgiving dinner to go. Tomorrow we drive up north to visit my family. I'm certain that at no point will anyone at the dinner table declare: "We should start screwing."

Happy National Day of Mourning

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It's funny how people look at it so differently.

The majority of the males I know celebrate a great day to watch football all day while drinking beer and being served by their womenfolk.

My mom celebrates having the family together and preparing to spend a lot of time amongst huge crowds of frantic people trying to get the best deal on Black Friday morning.

My religious zealot sister is celebrating how the forefathers escaped religious persecution and were now free to worship their god.

My other sister likes to take this day and use it as a time to continue being in control.

My dad...see above about males.

I think I would rather not even have the day off. A Thursday?? My office doesn't close on Friday, so I have to work the next day anyway.

Turkey? I don't even like turkey. And though it's been SIX years since I've eaten any meat other than chicken, I still get asked "oh, you don't eat turkey?" at least 13 times throughout the day. I end up overloading on the side dishes: potatoes, yams, corn, bread. A high calorie, stressful day.

And what are we celebrating really? The slaughter of the Indians? The harvesting of the land we stole from them? Religious freedom that no longer exists? (oh--we have freedom---unless you're Muslim, or maybe Jewish, or Wiccan, etc). I find this interesting:

The historical event we know today as the "First Thanksgiving" was a harvest festival held in 1621 by the Pilgrims and their Native American neighbors and allies. It has acquired significance beyond the bare historical facts. Thanksgiving has become a much broader symbol of the entirety of the American experience. Many find this a cause for rejoicing. The dissenting view of Native Americans, who have suffered the theft of their lands and the destruction of their traditional way of life at the hands of the American nation, is equally valid.

To some, the "First Thanksgiving" presents a distorted picture of the history of relations between the European colonists and their descendants and the Native People. The total emphasis is placed on the respect that existed between the Wampanoags led by the sachem Massasoit and the first generation of Pilgrims in Plymouth, while the long history of subsequent violence and discrimination suffered by Native People across America is nowhere represented.

More on that: I found this great site that gives a perspective that we don't often hear about thanksgiving. I don't like to link to angelfire sites -too many pop ups and if you're using Internet Explorer, you'll have to deal with them for not downloading the best browser ever -FireFox (which you can easily d/l from the link on the right!!). Very good facts about the history of thanksgiving, which I am no longer going to capitalize. Our nation disappoints me sometimes.

Happy Day of Mourning/thanksgiving/Preamble to Black Friday/Celebration of a God-Fearing Nation (but only certain gods)!

Quote of the Day

Change is Inevitable
Growth is Intentional

I have no idea where it came from first-I know people who have "life coaching" businesses use it. It's pretty profound really.
I first saw it on the wall of my physical therapists office. I was there for a bit of carpul tunnel or tendonitis (you would think I would know which one I have, but I can never remember!).
I heard that the Chinese say that the hand is the entry to the soul. I'm not sure about that; I try to keep my soul fairly well guarded, but love a good hand massage.

Dying Children

One of the kids we make cards for is going to die...any day. I should accept that all the kids we make cards for have that risk, but this boys mom wrote an update that he is not expected to last much longer and he was sent home to be with his family. Doug is just 8 years old and was special to me because he's from a city I used to visit when growing up, Cedar Rapids, Iowa. And as we made cards for him (a few months ago), I hummed the theme song from the cartoon the entire time (and am doing so now!).

Someone asked me the other day why I volunteer so much and how I came to be so passionate with this project. I feel that I am so fortunate in having a healthy child and I get to watch him grow older each year, and mature, and play sports, and be a "normal" child every day. But this is something that many families do not get to do. I am spoiled with my healthy child, with four limbs and working organs and good vocal cords (as tested at least weekly as we endure the teenage years).

Just as I feel spoiled with having an apartment, albeit small, and a nice car, and a loving family and money to eat out twice a week...we are fortunate in so many ways. Volunteering four hours a month of my life to make three children have a wonderful afternoon, or maybe a whole day even, is the very LEAST I can do to make a difference in the world. And as a parent, I know how nice it is to feel as if someone else cares. I feel good about helping others, but helping bring a smile to a child who knows that he is dying is a very good feeling.

I make a difference. Small though it may be, it is something.

Wedding blues

The local radio station was talking about the costs of getting married this morning. Of the five people, only one of them believed that spending over $5,000 on a wedding was a bad idea.
The main host was saying that he will spare no expense on his girl's "special day." Why is it her special day? I don't think I've ever met a man who thinks of it as "his" special day, or even "their" special day.
The day you begin your life together shouldn't be sealed by a day where you spend a third of your yearly income for one event. I think it's absurd.

Average Wedding Costs:
Bride's 2000 State of the Union Report

Stationery (invitations, announcement, thank-you notes, etc.): $374
Bouquets and other flowers: $775
Photography, videography: $1,253
Wedding favors: $240
Music: $745
Clergy, church, chapel, synagogue fee: $248
Limo rental: $427
Attendants' gifts: $299
Wedding rings: $1,060
Engagement ring: $2,982
Rehearsal dinner: $762
Bride's wedding dress: $790
Bride's headpiece/veil: $150
Bridal attendants' apparel (average of five): $720
Groom's formalwear (rented): $100
Formalwear for ushers (average of 5), best man (rented): $400
Reception (average of 186 guests): $7,246

TOTAL: $17,318

I think that a $2-3,000 party would be suitable, followed by a $3-5,000 vacation. The rest is frivolous and a waste of money.

I could do so much with the $9,000 I saved (and note that the $17,318 is from the year 2000!).

$9,000 is a really nice, slightly used vehicle.
$9,000 is a good chunk of a down-payment on a house.
$9,000 is a good amount of money to invest in some wonderful stock.
$9,000 would help a women's shelter stay open for 3 months.
$9,000 would be a half a year of college for my son.
$9,000 will help feed a lot of homeless.
$9,000 would cover 2 months of a nursing home if my parents were to need it.
$9,000 would be a good addition to my now non-existent savings account.

I don't need a "special day." I'd rather have a wonderful and amazing trip to celebrate the beginning of my life together with my husband (if I ever decide to get married). I don't think I would be compatible with a man who wanted me to have a "special day."

Call me selfish, but I expect more than just one day to be special.

Internet addiction

I probably spend at least four hours a day on the internet, just reading and clicking and strolling through the web. Sometimes it's legitimate stuff, like setting up my volunteer events (HOP) or managing my social life (MIPL). There is so many great things to find online that people don't even know about! As much as I dislike working at a deskjob for eight hours, five days a week, I think I am more in touch with the world from my internet usage.

I almost always have music playing in the background (Pandora). This is by far the best music player in the whole world! I've found soooo many new songs/artists that I would never have discovered otherwise.

I am not necessarily a huge fan of large corporate sites like MSNbc, but the Clicked site is a favorite for lunchtime browsing at work.

Every evening after 10:00pm, I have to check Woot to see what the deal of the day is. I've only ordered a couple of things from them (I have 10 boxes of printer paper in my closet!), but it usually has great deals, just not always stuff that I want.

I read a few blogs:
Dooce is a fun one.
Lifehacker is a fairly new one I like.
Postsecret I read every Monday morning just after cleaning out my inbox at work.
Neatorama is interesting.

I have about 10 other random blogs to check in with once a week or so. Random bloggers writing random stuff about their random lives; mostly women writing about life as a mom, or nerds writing about computer stuff.

Parenthacks is one I subscribe to -this is one of the few that I actually "subscribe" to and get in my email, but only because I stumbled upon the button and figured out how to register.

And, (not) saving the best for last: Jigsawdoku. I'm totally addicted to this stupid game. I start a game just about anytime I get a phone call, and pause it when I actually have to go back to work. I used to have a sudoku book and I would do a puzzle (or eight) every night before bed, but that cut into my reading time, and I found that the Hard level puzzles were too easy and the Expert level puzzles required too much thinking and planning and could easily take up an hour for one puzzle. That's too much's much easier to just play the game online while working!

I chat all day every day while at work. I have a few regular people I chat with and a few who rarely come on but I wish were on more often. People who sit at a desk all day make the best chat friends. People who are lucky enough not to sit at a desk all day miss out on all the cool links I come across and all the witty commentary I have to offer. :)

And I must leave the computer now, as I try to detox each weekend and enjoy non-computer time as much as I can.

My favorite Korean

The dragonslayers.

Volunteer ....or else

Last night was the 10 year anniversary celebration party for Hands on Portland. What an amazing thing...a group of 175 people came together to start this group that has grown to 12,000 or so over the last ten years. I joined in 2000 and am proud to be one of the 12,000!

I've been a project leader for ages. I started leading projects mostly because I wanted to volunteer with my son, who at that time was 7, and I was having trouble finding projects that would allow me to bring him with me and that interested both of us. As a project leader, I can choose to do anything I want, for any agency I want, and work around my time frame.

Volunteering is my biggest passion in life (aside from motherhood, of course!). I think I started in 9th grade, on my own, volunteering to help wrap presents in the local mall for Lutheran Social Services. My memory sucks and I can't remember how I came to be helping them-maybe a high school class? Regardless, being a volunteer is definitely one of the greatest things I have done.

Some of the projects that we have done include:
*painting a residential school for girls
*yardwork for a housing facility for disadvantaged youth
*making cards for terminally ill children (my current monthly project)
*helping at a charity basketball tournament
*restoring bikes for low-income children
*making Easter dinner for families at the Ronald McDonald house
*painting the hallways of a Portland school
*caring for cats at a privately-owned rescue shelter
*sorting food at the food bank
....and I'm sure there are others that I'm forgetting.

Everyone should volunteer. I think everyone should teach their children that volunteering is a responsibility we all have to carry. The world is such a sad place sometimes and every one of us can make a significant difference in some way.

One of the best ideas for a movie ever is Pay It Forward. Aside from the drama and Helen Hunt (who I don't like for some reason...), the plot of the movie epitomizes what I would love to see happen in real life. It's inspiring and heart-warming and I wish more people would live a "pay it forward" kind of life. The world would be a better place.

I'm sorry!!

I just went to a lecture titled "Medical Error and Apologies," given by a physician who is passionate about the need to apologize to patients. He somewhat sidestepped the idea that it would implicate the doctor in future lawsuits, and the main point (from what I gathered) was that the apology is necessary for the physician. It's apparently stressful to carry around the guilt of accidentally killing someone and NOT apologizing for your error.

Interesting idea, but not very realistic. Your doctor makes an error and it paralyzes your left arm causing you to lose your job and family (as seen in a recent episode of ER) and you apologize for the error -- that makes it no better for the patient and it leads to the guilt of the physician in the inevitable lawsuit. As a great five year old once taught me: "sorry doesn't make it better!"
One of the audience members brought up the show "My Name Is Earl" and the ramifications that can occur from apologies and making amends can sometimes have on others when we're doing it to make ourselves feel better, it's almost selfish.

One of the quotes in his presentation was this:
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." [Attributed to Smedes, who sounds like a fun guy to share a beer with]

I mentally checked out of the lecture at that moment and started thinking about who I need to forgive.

Who is waiting ever so anxiously for me to offer a heartfelt apology...please email me, for I really don't know. I don't think I've intentionally hurt anyone who I would need to apologize to, though in saying that I feel a bit self-righteous. I'm no angel. I MUST have been horrible to someone at some point...(I imagine my parents would offer some prime moments from my teenage years as an example).

At one point in my career I was working in a police department and a sergeant I worked with was quite an arrogant man. A far cry from the typical policeman? Probably not, but he was overly arrogant and an absolute ass at times. FUNNY guy when you weren't on his bad side...but I had the distinct pleasure of making it on his shit list once. He said something incredibly mean to me, so mean that I've blocked out every bit of it. I did what most 23 yr old females would do in such a situation -immediately burst into tears.

Ha-kidding, any one who knows me knows that I only cry when my son is in pain or if an animal dies on ANY Animal Planet show. Anyway, Officer NotSoFriendly is an ass - I do the logical thing and go straight to my supervisor and the Chief of Police. The sergeant was told to apologize and keep his distance from me. This is what he said to me: "I'm sorry that you felt that I was being mean."

It didn't hit me at first, but then I realized that he didn't apologize for being mean. He apologized for how I felt when he was mean. Can he do that?? No one else can apologize for MY feelings. Those are mine!

Anyway, the doctor giving the lecture mentioned that even doctors are human and can't be expected to never ever ever make a mistake. Unfortunately, the truth is, sometimes in their profession their mistake can lead to loss of life or a huge burden on your life, but he believes that saying sorry is important if you make a mistake. It wouldn't exclude them from a lawsuit, but should be included in both the doctor and patient recovering from the incident. I don't know that I agree with him.

Speaking of police---wouldn't this hold true for them as well? They can't be expected to never ever ever make a mistake. Doctors who make a mistake keep on doctoring....police who make a mistake are put on administrative leave. Interesting.

Song of the day

Today is an Elliott Smith day, "Everything Reminds Me of Her."

I searched for the lyrics so we can all sing along...and, um, seriously-this is ALL the lyrics?

Sad song, it matches the stormy weather we're having. I want to curl up in a big comfy chair (of which I have NONE), with a warm blanket, a cat (of which I have two-neither of which would want to cuddle with me) and a good book.

I never really had a problem because of leaving
But everything reminds me of her this evening

So if I seem a little out of it, sorry
But why should I lie?
Everything reminds me of her

The spin of the earth impaled a silhouette of the sun on the steeple
And I got to hear the same sermon all the time now from you people
Why are you staring into outer space, crying?
Just because you came across it, and lost it

Everything reminds me of her
Everything reminds me of her
Everything reminds me of her

Who is this Paul dating advice

I have an email penpal, of sorts.
We used to email a LOT, as in 28 emails a minute, but then I realized that all our emails are about me. Just me and my life. Because my life is just THAT interesting that there is really nothing better to talk about.
Me and my past. Me and my escapades. Me and my job. I don't really know much about him, other than he wanted to meet me really badly. Without his girlfriend present of course.

And so I cut back on the emails and moved on. Inevitably he emailed me again and we started again with the rapid fire emailing. It went on again and then it came out that he got married. It wasn't like he said "I'm getting married soon" or anything...I think I just happened to ask him something about if they talk about marriage and he chose that moment to let me know they had a couple weeks ago....key info that you would share with your email friend (and your postman and your neighbors and the bank teller, etc).

And yet, he persists...who is this man??

It might be somewhat typical of the men I meet. Just ask my oldest sister. She's the first to point out all the bad judgment calls I've made about men. She actually wouldn't stop at just pointing them out, she'll take it a few steps further and make jokes about it, reference key information I would rather forget, and pull out photos and discuss them. I love meeting new people, I love learning about others-it's the reason I went into sociology: I love the study of people and cultures. I just happen to get involved with some of the more interesting "subjects" that are out there.
I don't regret any of it. None of the men I have dated or had relationships with are ones that I would choose to omit from my history. I truly believe I've learned from each and every one. Here are some of the lessons:

1) Never marry your drinking partner. When you are ready to quit, he most likely will not be.

2) If your boyfriend is willing to give up most of his life for you, he's not who you thought he was.

3) If you are willing to give up most of your life for him, you are not being true to yourself and you should run. Fast.

4) If he does something more than once a day that you do not enjoy in any way whatsoever, let's say smoke for example, than the chances of you getting sick of it fast are inevitable.

5) If he's married, he's not for you. He's obviously already for someone else.

6) If you can't hang out with his friends without getting into arguments that last more than half a day-it's not a good fit. They are his friends for a reason...because they are alike in some ways. I think the rule is, if you can not be at the same house party with his friends, you will never be able to sit down to dinner and have a normal conversation with them.


7) If you discover that they've lied about everything that you thought was true-such as having a job, having only been married once, having two degrees,'s probably safe to assume you will never be able to trust him long enough to make it through a movie without wondering who he went off to call when he said he went to get popcorn.

Nope, no regrets. All of my previous relationships had led me to be the person I am today, and I'm pretty happy with that person.

Paul though...I'm not sure how Paul fits into the Life of Kaylen.


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