I Hate Scotland

The kid and I went to the Highland Games on Saturday. I've wanted to go for years now and finally made it. I'll never go again.

It just started badly...I didn't have a lot of cash but they had an ATM machine which was great. Though it kept rejecting my card, so I had to cash advance my Visa. I think that's like 176% interest to cash advance from that. No matter though--we were going to have fun!

I paid $24 to get in ($14 for me, $10 for the kid) - that's a lot. I was certain they provided a free meal or something though.

I really wanted to go to see the Scottish traditional games - throwing heavy lead objects across the yard. I was highly disappointed with it. They had an announcer, but he told us NOTHING about the games. We just sat out by the field, in a light rain, eating fish and chips that probably took 6 years off our life, watching large, bulky, sweaty men throwing random things around. Oh-and don't forget the primeval grunting going on. The announcer would sometimes announce that so-and-so had a great throw. But there were 5 games going on at the same time so we really had no idea who was who or what a good throw was. But that's fine-it was still interesting and entertaining-better than sitting in front of the tv for sure!

And we found that most men in the athletic competitions wore shorts under their kilts!

Step One:

Give your rock a little hug. Whisper something sweet to it, wish it good luck.

Step Two:

Grunt loudly-as if your lower intestine were being uncurled.....and then THROOOOOOOOOW!

Step Three:

Hold your breath and hope your little rock has made you proud.

Fun game!!

Here's another great one:

Grab your heavy-looking bell thingy. Stand and think hard. Take deep breaths. Let the crowd feel the excitement.

Lift with a grunt and SWING and SWING and SWING.
And then....


And don't forget the ever-popular Cabor Toss - lift a large tree trunk and try and flip it multiple times. That was one of my favorites.

Crazy Scots.
Then we headed to watch the Kilted Mile-men running in skirts-fun!

Next up, the dancers!

We sat at some bleachers..and the kid starts complaining about his legs hurting from touching the bench in front of him. I brushed him off and told him he was fine and leave it alone.

And then my arms started stinging where they were touching the bleachers....like a bunch of little bee stings. No good.

So we moved to the other bleachers and found that we could not touch the spots of our skin where they had touched those bleachers. We made a quick pit stop at the first aid tent and got some calamine lotion and was told it was probably old fiberglass...huh? Shouldn't there be a sign? Shouldn't they be blocked off?? The Scottish Bleachers---no good.

And then......we get back to my car and start driving away---and find we have a flat tire. Some wonderful good Samaritan stopped to help us (cause I'm a girl) and then we headed straight to Les Schwab (cause I'm a responsible girl). Mr. Schwab let me know that some bad Samaritan tested his knife out on my tire. Yeah, that's great. Thanks Scotland festival for having 12 different booths with knives of various sizes available to some drunken Scots of all ages within half a mile of the parking lot.

Long Live England!!!


  1. Anonymous said...:

    I'm with you. I hate Scotland. Its a lawless country full of morons, and everyday is another kick in the teeth.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    I REALLY hate Shitland, they really should learn to talk properly and cut back on the drinking. Its a piss poor place to live or even be in. 24/7 rain - great and beaten up for being anything other than shittish. They are all ignorant twats that need to get some form of education and manners, I would also like to point out that their lorry drivers are so fucking THICK, god damn, how did they ever learn to drive?!?!?! They are the dumbest fucks on the planet. Everyone there seems to do as they please, knifing each other etc etc. Maybe we should put a big electric fence around that hole and then call that prison and chuck the rest of the worlds scum in there.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    i dont mean to be bad but englands worse and and all of u are manner less f****s down with england the scum of the world who everyone hate and up with scotland

  1. Kaylen said...:

    Come on.....really.....relax.....I don't REALLY hate Scotland. I hate that the Scottish festival sold a million knives and someone tested on in my tire the day of the Scottish festival.
    That's all.
    I don't have any feelings for or against an entire country full of people (including my own). If any of you had read my blog beyond this post, you would know that I try very hard not to generalize.

  1. jamiedickson said...:
    This comment has been removed by the author.
  1. jamiedickson said...:

    Well Kaylen, your funny little blog really opened up a whole nasty can of racism. You should be more careful about what you write as inciting racism or hate is illegal.

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Morons? Television, phones, microwaves, fridges, antiseptic, anasthetic.... catch my drift?

    Maybe not so much the Highland games - it's more a traditional thing and certianly not to everyone's taste. Sorry you didn't enjoy yourself. I understand that you are not generalising, but clearly some of the comments are! Sort it if you can!

  1. a7xlover1993 said...:

    Hi (I posted the 4th comment) I know you don't really hate scottish people, it just gets me REALLY pissed off when people talk crap about Scotland (Not you, the comments before mine) People calling it "Shitland" is a bit much, but to be honest highland games they are a bit odd. And, I've never been charged to go in, and you did :( No offence to you, I'm sure you have nothing against Scotland, even though my previous comment seemed to insinuate that :)

  1. majec said...:

    Couldn't agree with the second poster more - although some parts of Scotland are worse than others and some of the people are actually OK. However - Glasgow is the worst of them all - constant rain, miserable people, poverty, crime - what more can I say? Truly one of the most god-forsaken places in the developed world. Check out the facts about crime, health, unemployment, etc - or just believe me - I've lived there for 35 years!


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