The Life and Times of a Cat/Dog

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fedhashor some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rationsperfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up mystrength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

Unknowing Guest Blogger

And today's guest post is brought to you by Aunt Cora, or how I have always known her: Corky.

Corky sent this email out (and my mom forwarded it to me), so I'm sure she meant to go public with it, right?
It's cute...I can't wait to hear more stories from the other Aunts in Iowa!!!

Just thought I would do a little reminiscing and share with you.

In May of 1972 I took a little journey with Dean (do you remember that Dean?) - he was in the Air Force and stationed in California and was driving there - I went with him (and my recollections are great of the trip - we stopped and saw things, did things - it was really a very enjoyable vacation).

Going through things this weekend I came across the little journal I kept and talk about inflation. Thirty-six years ago - Wow - I know I was working for the abstract company and making just a little over $400 a month - yep, living on 10th Street - paying $100 a month for rent. Well, as you will see after looking at the attached - times have changed. I do make a little over $400 a month now and we definitely won't talk about what I pay to live where I live now - but here's the calculations for four days of travel:

Gas $64.65 (which is close to what I pay to fill up the car for one week now - if car is on empty it is about $48 to fill up!!)

Motels $39.97 (that's four nights - can find very few motels under $100 a night now)

To fly from Sacramento to where Aunt Una lived and then to Des Moines - price of $129.

And it's fun memories like this that make you appreciate the power of keeping a journal.

$64.65 to drive from Iowa to California...that's quite the deal!!

Nanny 911

I'm totally addicted to this show!
If you somehow don't know of it (what's wrong with you??), it's a show where you have a family in crisis with kids who are absolute monsters and totally and completely out of control by anyone's standards. The parents -or at least the mom- is usually at her wits end and ready to abandon her white picket fence and change her name and run to a foreign country and never look back.

But instead of giving in to that, they call the Nanny service of Nanny 911 and agree to let one of the Nannies come stay with them for a week and completely change their entire household and the way it's run so that the kids are happy, thus making the parents happy. I don't really believe it only takes a week, cause I think some of these kids might need more like 11 weeks help to get them back to being more human-esque, but whatever, I'll believe it's a week, just like I'll believe that Survivor is all real.

I think it makes me feel better about any kind of parenting crisis I have ever had or might have anytime in the future. The families on this show are just a mess.

I find myself agreeing with Nanny Stella (maybe my favorite) all the time---I swear we must have read the same parenting books! We're totally on the same page.

And it blows me away to see parents ask surprised to see a chore chart - who doesn't know about chore charts??

But why are all the families that they feature wealthy?? Half of the families seem to have two stay-at-home parents, one working in the basement office, or someone who works only part-time outside the house. They all live in huge houses with big yards and drive big fancy yuppy cars and wear designer clothes.

I want to see Nanny Stella in the ghetto, in a small apartment with a couple of broken down recliners and a 13-inch television and kids who hang out on the front stoop and make fun of each other in rhyme for entertainment. With two working parents, one who works two jobs. And frequent trips to the Goodwill store down the road.

It's as if this show is saying that Hey, look---money doesn't mean you have a great home life.
it also says, You only have hope if you have money-which is why we don't help families in crisis from the hood.

Give Til It Hurts

George and Laura Bush's adjusted gross income: $923,807
Amount they donated to charity: $165,660

Percentage: 18%

A fairly reasonable amount to donate of their salary....which surprised me.
Most of it went towards churches and the fire department district of their Crawford ranch-which doesn't surprise me.

The Cheneys:
Adjusted gross income: $3.04 million
Donated to charity: $166,547

Percentage of income donated to charity: 5%

Not a surprise.
Cheney is one of my least favorite people. I dislike people in high power positions who take total advantage of their position in order to make more money for themselves in an unethical way, such as it was in the Haliburton mess.


Related Posts with Thumbnails