Hey Sailor, Congrats - Your Wife Had a Baby

Let's say that you are 24 yrs old and you are in the United States Navy.

Are you picturing it? You are stationed on a large boat that is never ever called a boat - it's a SHIP, thank you very much. You get very angry when someone calls you Squid, but you proudly wear your blue bell bottom work pants (they convert into a life preserver-handy!).

And let's say that you happen to get married to a very sweet and innocent 18 year old and she happens to be pregnant (we'll leave out the math on the pregnancy vs marriage debate, but know that it is a fine line between married and pregnant and not married and not pregnant).

And let's say that your contract/agreement/punishment with the military is due to end in just 6 weeks.

And that in just three weeks your young child-bride is due to give birth to her wonderful bouncy baby.

And then let's say that your it's-not-a-boat Ship is due to leave port for six months IN 2 weeks.
YES - did you do the math on that one everyone?

That means that your boat/ship is leaving port one week before your baby is due to enter the world. Oh, cruel world...why....WHY!!!!

You try to do what you can and there is no way that they will assign you shore duty for your last three weeks and instead, you are ordered to leave with the not-boat in two weeks whether that baby is born or not. Nice, thanks United States Navy for showing compassion (and we should make note that it happened to be the one week time period in the last 3 decades that we were not at war).

Luckily, your child-bride's mother happens to work at the medical clinic and she pleads the case to the baby-doctor and the baby-doctor doessome baby-doctor-checking and determines, hey-this bird can come out now, it's good enough! SO - let's put some drugs into action and get this baby OUT. This is the week before you are set to leave port.

However, boys are difficult, and this bouncy baby boy was not quite ready to come out. Exit hospital, stage left, no baby born.

And the next week, amidst a LOT of tears and begging and crying and teen mother angst.....you must get on your stop-calling-it-a-boat-Ship and sail away....

Then one day, in the middle of some ocean somewhere....you get this message:

red cross birth announcementyou can click to enlarge - really, it's interesting!

I tried to blur out any pertinent information that might be sensitive to the navy and might possibly cause Russia or to be able to attack us. I hope this was sufficient blurring. If not, I apologize in advance to Alaska (cause we all know they are closest to Russia and as such, will be the first to go under).

**and on a funny (to me) note -the first time I saved this blurred version, I missed blurring out my not-beloved ex-husband's social security number. It would be a shame if anyone out there happened to get his social security number and wreck havoc on his life...cause someone as wonderful as him should only have roses and furry kittens surround him for every breath he takes until the end of time. I corrected it because I am a good person and don't wish ill will on anyone (though if I did, he would be candidate numero uno).


  1. Nat said...:

    Wow, that message is actually really interesting. I didn't realize that you changed your name from Kaylem to Kaylen.. how crazy! ;) I can't believe how cold sounding it is. I guess I knew that that is how it is done in the US Forces, but still, to actually see it... strange.

  1. Lynette said...:

    funny to read this and today's headlines that a female soldier refused to go overseas. i did not know you could refuse, apparently neither did yall?

  1. ♥georgie♥ said...:

    wow what an incrediable story!!!

  1. omg this is crazy! Thanks for sharing. You should frame that note and hang it in the babies room.

  1. Jessica said...:

    Nat - good catch on the name. I didn't notice I had to go back and look. :)

  1. Wow, compelling stuff. Nice blogging.
    Check out my dating catastrophes:

  1. kyooty said...:

    power trip...., they love taking the dad away


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