Smelly Boys and Sweet Lil Ole Ladies

I have some really great discussions with teenage boys about some really deep topics.

This was last night:

If you swallow a guitar pick, how long will it take before you poop it out.  Andrew did not want to partake in the solving of this theory. He's much too practical to purposely swallow a guitar pick for my own personal study.

That somehow led into this conversation:

If you swallow one of those little pills that turn into a sponge, will it ever make it's way back out? One boy was certain that stomach acids would break it down. The other felt like it wouldn't fully. I think it would be too much for your system and you would need medical assistance to help it "pass."  We debated the stomach acid issue for a bit-I thought this was an easy one to safely test by just getting the little pill, opening it up and then puking on it. Nobody wanted to be the one to puke on it. Oh, and we don't have one of those on hand anyway, but if we did, nobody wanted to puke on it.

And then one of the boys, who had JUST arrived, spent a significant amount of time in the bathroom and the entire house smelled like the depths of the underworld for at least an hour. I yelled at him, hes not my son, but I think I have the right to yell at someone who ruins my house. The first thing I yelled was: WHAT DO YOU EAT!!!!!!!!!
I had to make an unnecessary trip to the store to give my lungs oxygen.
Boys are disgusting.

HOWEVER - and on a much more pleasant note:

I ran into the sweet little old lady at the store who I've talked about before. Her name is Selma and she can be seen all around a 3-city area, walking walking walking walking and usually carrying a few extra-large bags of aluminum cans. So last night I saw her, but I have never seen her that late at night before. I parked and walked over and said hello to her and we made a little small talk and then she asked me where I lived. After I told her, she said she was just asking to see if I was going her way because she was looking for a ride home. I told her I had to run inside and get a few things but I would give her a ride.
She's just a sweet little old lady.

Though when I pulled up to her after I had gone shopping and she put two of her four bags in the trunk but said she would hold the other two-I did have a flash of thought that she might try to knife me while I was driving. She might look old and feeble, but sometimes old people have lots of strength and move really fast! And THEN-she was giving me directions to her destination and it was totally a back way, through the woods, on a dark and deserted road with little to no traffic. And I again thought that she might knife me.

She's really sweet though and didn't knife me. That was nice.
I found out that she lives with a daughter and she mentioned she has grandkids and I said, that's great, you have grandbabies! And she said....well, they are no babies-they are 40. And I know that in most circumstances you don't ask this type of question, but I blurted out, "Selma! How old are you??!!"

And she said: 94!!!  She's 94 and she walks miles and miles and miles all day every day, picking up stray cans and whatnot. And I just adore her. We had a great little conversation on the 12-minute drive where I could have been shanked and I just love her. I hope to have the chance to talk again with her.


  1. Getting shanked by a 94 year old lady would have made for a great post though and lots of publicity for the blog. And there's not much your stomach can't digest.

  1. carma said...:

    thank God you made it through that potentially harrowing ordeal ;-)

  1. I love the teenage boy conversations. I have been witness to a truly wonderful conversation about how one would attempt to blow up a squirrel with an M-80. I thought an M-80 (about the same as 1/4 stick of dynamite) might be a bit much for just a little squirrel. No actual squirrels (or boys) were harmed.

  1. Jay said...:

    If the stomach can digest things like Velveeta, then it can probably handle just about anything. Cause nobody knows what that stuff really is.

    Don't ever turn your back on those little old ladies. They're dangerous. ;-)

  1. otin said...:

    You have blogged about this woman before, if I am not mistaken?

    I think that stomach acid is pretty potent, except when it comes to corn, lol!

  1. kilax said...:

    How nice that you gave Selma a ride! She sounds like she lives an interesting life :)

    LOL. I often wonder how long it would take for something to come out if I ate it by accident. It usually takes 72 hours to see corn... haha.

  1. Linda said...:

    I raised two boys - remembering those conversations.
    A SITS friend

  1. Ah, the body talk--I much prefer this kind!
    You are so good to give a ride to Selma. I've never met a person in need of a ride who did me wrong.

  1. tattytiara said...:

    It would never have occurred to me to puke on it. You have a mind for scientific method!

  1. Heather said...:

    Sometimes taking the risk can be very rewarding.

    Lovely convo's with the boys.

  1. Heather said...:

    Just wanted to let you know you have an award waiting for you over at my place.

  1. Christy said...:

    there is that old ghost story, told around countless summer camp fires about the young man, dressed up like an old lady who is sitting hiding a hatchet in his old lady you weren't too off the mark with the fear of being "Shanked"...
    i hope that at 94 i am cruising the village...but maybe not late at night. She was lucky you happened about.
    your boys sound like a riot!

  1. I know exactly what conversations with teenage boys can be like. I had my son's band here in the summer of 2008 - 5 boys between 17-21 yrs. old. The conversations (and the smells, OH GOD the feet smell, alone) were hysterical and weird.

    I think you are so kind to take care of that little old lady - even if you were CRAZY to do so. At least you knew her a little from conversations, but you never really know!! I am really glad you are safe!


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