Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

I just watched a movie on BET. It was a primarily black cast...and I didn't really notice at first, but then I was thinking--89% of the movies and tv shows I watch have primarily all white casts. I think it was Chris Rock who said something about all my white friends have just one black friend. But all his black friends have a ton of white friends.

I wish my life was more diverse.

There was some GQ article about how Oprah is making into a movie where some reporter set about making his friend circle more diverse and how the real lesson came to be not making new friends of different backgrounds and/or races, but how difficult it is to make friends in general, as an adult.

And this is so really is hard.

Meeting people isn't that hard sometimes, like through work, or kids sports events, but actually crossing the bridge from "I know that person" to "I am her friend!"

So what makes someone want to be your friend? Same interests, but just because I love to play board games and you love to play board games, doesn't mean that you're going to love to play board games with me, or vice versa.
And once you find that you have a connection with someone, how long do you have to wait before they are calling you just to talk, or suggesting dinner on a lazy Saturday, or planning parties with you?
At my age, I feel like one of the hindrances is that I'm single. A lot of people my age are part of a couple, so this is difficult sometimes, as there is no spouse to hang with their spouse. We aren't doing couples things because it's just me and them. It is a bit of a third-wheel atmosphere.
Another smaller hindrance is that I have a child. A child with no spouse-two whammies against me. I don't' want to go to happy hour after work- I want to have dinner with my son. I am not going to go away on a weekend getaway with the girls (well, maybe a couple times a year), because I know there is a teenage party just waiting to have me leave town. And yes, he is older now, and he doesn't need me, but he is older-he's leaving my house in 16 months for college. He's flying the nest soon---I have a strong desire to be around as much as possible for the next 16 months.
So how do you make friends?
How do you move from knowing someone to hanging out with them?
How do you find people who don't irritate you to no end, who actually feel the same about you, who live close enough to hang out, who are either single or fairly independent, who don't have small kids but have kids, who have the same interests as you, and who aren't clingy but who make an effort to hang out with you?


  1. Jay said...:

    I always laugh when I seen NBC's new slogan "Very Colorful." Really? Their prime-time lineup is like 95% white. Not all that colorful.

    It is difficult to make new friends. Not as difficult online, but once you get to be my age people are set in their ways. And yes, being single seems to be a hindrance too.

  1. Oh goodness, I have no idea how to answer that question. So I won't. But getting out for a few hours by yourself and meeting another friend for a drink or a gym class (without their spouse or other) does seem doable and doesn't give your son enough time to round up a party. Or better yet, some tea or coffee at your house. Send him out or at least out of the room so you can have adult time. Or just don't listen to me as I'm still neck deep in playdates. :-)

  1. Unknown Mami said...:

    I read this post and you reminded me to email a friend.

    I am married and have friends that are married and friends that are single. I tend to hang out with friends on my own and not with my husband. If he's around, cool, but if he's not that's okay too.

    Lately, I don't do too much hanging out. I have a standing weekly date with one friend because we have known each other since college and our daughters are months apart.

    I have a really hard time making friends unless it's through work. I used to work in a theater and that is a very social environment and help a lot friend-wise, but honestly I don't know how adults are supposed to make friends. It's very hard and a bit intimidating to just approach someone. I can't really remember the last time I made a new friend (that wasn't online).

    Plus, I'm a homebody. I'd rather hang out at my home or someone else's than go out. Unless it's for Mexican food and Margaritas then I'm game.

    Enough of my babbling.

  1. Brian Miller said...:

    it is difficult making friends...usually it starts with an invitation...dinner and games...and we'll see where it goes from there...

  1. Nat said...:

    Tell me about it. At least you and I are already friends! I'm not sure I even remember the process of us becoming friends... we just kind of were. Hah! You're not alone in the friend-making difficulties, but you seem to make friends pretty quickly to me! :)

  1. If you figure this out, let me know. I'm in a small town and it's tough to "break in." My closest friend in town is my neighbor who's also a transplant.

  1. April said...:

    I would still choose a few very close friends over a lot of acquaintances, though. Sometimes I think my world is so small because most of my closest friends are colleagues. At the same time, these people know me and get me, so who am I to complain?

  1. Brandy said...:

    it's so hard to make friends as an adult. my husband and I married at 18&19. so we were either the way married couple that didn't have kids or the old people with a new kid. and I'm not good at friends because of my own insecurities.

  1. Heather said...:

    I have no idea! I have lived in this new town for 18 months and still haven't found any venue to find a friend.
    My best friend now lives an hour away, I only get to see her maybe once a month. I meet her through my hubbies best friend, she is his wife. We wasn't instant friends, it took us a lot of parties to get to the friend stage.

  1. misguidedmommy said...:

    asshole now i have this stupid girl scout song stuck in my head

  1. I have a really hard time making friends because of my Social Anxiety Disorder, so I'm no help to you. But when I do make friends, I'm extremely loyal and will be your friend for life.


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