I'm a bad blogger this month. I've lost my mojo...I think others have found it, judging by the number of blogs I have waiting for me in my reader.
I know this is annoying to some people, but I am going to confess, and I know I'm not the first, that my motivation to blog is spurred on by comments. I'm not saying I need 50 comments a day to feel good about blogging. And I don't blog for the sake of getting comments. But in some ways, it's like if you were to have the attention of part of the world and you open your diary and start reading entries out loud to the group in front of you. If 99% of the people walk away while you're sharing something about your life, do you really continue to read your story out loud? Probably not for long.
So this means something, right? Either I have the most boring blog webly possible, or people just aren't available. Some people have a REALLY busy February, like me. And I'm sure some people volunteer every night, not me. And some people have babies, or work double shifts, or are in the midst of a divorce, or are taking a full college load, or delete my feed as soon as it arrives in their inbox because I have bored them too often to make them waste their time yet again.
Life is so busy!!! There are riots, and hurricanes, and freak thunder storms, and pets are injured, and babies are born, and people fall in love, and people get their hearts broken. Meetings go into the late hours, and work requests just never stop. People struggle with personality conflicts at work, and struggle to connect to their spouse who they swore to love (but c'mon-committed for LIFE is a big concept). People are getting new kidneys, and people are having babies born with just one perfect kidney. Some of you are struggling to make friends, and some of you are struggling to maintain the ones you have. I get it...life is hard. I'm with ya.
And in all of this...is a blogger named Kaylen, just writing about her somewhat-boring life. And feeling like there is too much going on, but there is nothing going on. Life is not fulfilling, but life is just perfect. Oreo cookies are wonderful, but oreo cookies are oh so bad. I want another kitten, but I don't want to have to clean the kitty box more than I already have to (note to self: toilet-train Whiskers this summer). I want to walk for an hour on the treadmill, but then I have no time to do dishes/laundry/blog/read a book/print my photos for my class tomorrow/get a full nights sleep. You know what I mean? There is just this huge spectrum of LIFE going on around me.
What if I'm missing it?
What if I'm not meant to see it?
What if it's over before I'm ready to be done?
What if I keep spewing out words and blog so many random thoughts in one blog post at one time that people worry that I'm highly intoxicated?
What if I actually got highly intoxicated and blogged some seriously funny shit? But then the next day discovered it wasn't really funny, but just plain shit? What if we all promise to blog while drunk at least once a year, then we share the shit together and it's more funny that way?
What if I never get a twitter account?
What if I failed to do the dishes tonight, even knowing that I will be gone from 8am - 9:45pm tomorrow and that when I get home there will be even more dishes in the sink waiting for me, but I did this knowingly because I wanted to vomit out these words to all of you....most of whom are not paying attention anyway..
What if I turn 37 in less than a week and totally freak out that my life is half over?
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