How To Fight Off Wild Animals - All the Self Defense Info You Will Ever Need in the Wild

Let's say that you're in your work parking lot and you come across a vicious wolf coyote.

This actually happens at my work, the whole building is aware, someone (with too much time on their hands) even created a Twitter account for him. We've been reminded not to feed him (as if). Here's an actual photo of our work coyote:


Let me preface this story by saying that I am TIRED. My brain is slightly mushy lately and I'm not certain that I have been consistently speaking in complete, coherent sentences. Working too much this month? Yep, I definitely have. Anyway...

So as I was leaving work today, I was thinking, what would I do if the vicious 3CP (our building name) coyote came out and snarled at me. And I very smartly thought-I would swing my laptop bag around and bop him on the nose, of course. And then I was thinking, but that might make him mad and he might really attack me. So what I needed to do is swing the bag...and KEEP swinging. And then I was thinking about what would I do if I didn't have my laptop bag? I would use my foot, right? And just give him a swift bop on the nose. But then there's that "KEEP swinging" factor.
And then it hit me....
If you're attacked by a wild animal.....strike this pose:
And then TWIRL. Twirl like your life depends on it. It just might...

Why do you never hear of this on the news??? Why don't self defense classes teach this?? Did I really just discover the secret to good self-defense???

You heard it hear first folks.

6 comments:

  1. Brian Miller said...:

    being married to a ballerina...they got a pretty decent kick...smiles.

  1. The paver may say "no parking", but he is CLEARLY loitering.

  1. Mom Taxi Julie said...:

    I had a coyote right in my driveway one morning. I yelled at it, clapped my hands, went towards it, etc. It eventually kind of just walked off. I was definitely more afraid of it than it was of me!

    My son refuses to go outside when it's dark. He's too afraid a coyote is going to get him!

  1. Brandy@YDK said...:

    you are genius even when tired.

  1. Denis said...:

    They are probably more scared of you. I would love to see one close up (as long as he didn't attack of course)

  1. Anonymous said...:

    Someone's really gonna die coz of your illogical blog post. You better have slept instead of writing this article.

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