The Return of the Empty Nest

Andrew left me today.

This time it will be for at least twice as long as last time. The first time he moved to college, he was only going for Spring semester. This time it's for Fall and Spring. And then potentially a summer internship.

Dropping him off at the airport this morning, I thought of all the things I would like to say to him.
About how proud I am of all he is and all he will become.
About how much I believe in him.
About how great he is.
About how he needs to believe in himself more.
About not taking life too seriously.
About loving freely.
About accepting all that life throws at him-and still smiling through it all.

And about how much I love him more than anything in the world.

Instead what happened was we unloaded the bags and as soon as they were taken care of, my throat immediately swelled up and my eyes started leaking and I could say nothing. Just I love you.

Saying goodbye to this boy of mine, who I grew from a tiny seedling, who I raised on my own-just the two of us for 18 years, who I taught how to sit up, how to read, how to entertain himself, how to entertain others, how to cook (a few things anyway), how to do laundry, and how to drive (as frightening as that was) - saying goodbye to young Andrew was akin to someone reaching down my throat and grabbing hold of my fragile heart and tugging it out my esophagus.

And so my wonderful last words to Andrew were lost as I struggled to swallow this lump that could have been my heart.
For my heart aches.
But it is filled with hope. And trepidation (for both of us).

And love-lots of love. 


2 comments:

  1. Natalie said...:

    You are such a great mom! :)

  1. Andrew Barrango said...:

    You are lucky he reads your blog ;)

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