Have you ever hung out with people and when it's done you think to yourself: do I even like those people?? Why did I even put on clean clothes? (I hope so-I can't be alone here right??)
I used to get in these ruts where I would hang out with friends and just not feel like I belong, or that maybe I don't even like them, or maybe they don't like me, or maybe I don't care either way. Not all of them of course, but some people are just not-good-people and it takes you a bit to figure that out, but in the meantime you soak up the negative energy and they just make your inner soul itch.
I don't mind paving my way through the world solo. I am alone quite a bit - single mom for so many years, just me against the world ya know- I think I have learned to love being alone too much. While I was out of the country, wandering lost and alone in different cities, I sometimes wished that I had a friend with me. But most times, I was thankful just to be alone and doing my own thing.
I have never been someone who MUST HAVE a relationship. I just don't feel the urge to have someone around all the time. And it's the same with friends. As much as I love my friends, I'm okay on my own and I'll see them when I see them.
Sometimes you meet a group of people, from random places, and everyone comes together and it's a disaster.
But then there are times when you have a group of friends together and everything just feels right.
And you laugh so hard you cry.
You smile so much your jaw hurts the next day.
You realize that there is so much love in the world, and you are part of it, and it's wonderful.
I had a bbq on Saturday night and at the end of the night, I felt so at peace in the world.
We told jokes.
We ate food that we all helped make.
We collected donations for my backpack drive.
We told bad jokes.
We told raunchy jokes (some of which were really bad).
We laughed til we cried.
We teased each other in good fun.
We had fun watching each other tease each other in fun.
And it all just worked.
It was a fabulous night and now I'm in a love zone. I love everyone. You, and you, and you, and you. And especially you!! All of you.